Don't expect to be loved if you're always available.
Many of my clients ask me the same thing about their relationship problems. Do you know what they have in common?
They keep accommodating relationships with people who make them feel insecure. They don't receive the same in return as they give, and instead of living in peace, joy, and satisfaction, they live anxious, distressed, and constantly worried because their partner doesn't make them feel the way they would like.
If you are one of these people, you probably won't like what I'm going to tell you. Forgive me, but I have to be very clear and harsh and tell you the reason why you are experiencing this drama: because you are predictable and always available to your partner.
Your partner knows every reaction you're going to have, and you reinforce this with impulsive behaviors every time something doesn't please you. And this is because you are still there, waiting for something from your partner, always available to him (or her).
There are people who simply do not have the capacity to give us what we expect from them, and ultimately, the responsibility lies with us for not accepting this reality that keeps us prisoners to those people.
Many times, we even reach the point of enduring being told that they no longer love us, or that they "need time," or that they are confused and distance themselves forever, only to return to us after a while, and we once again accept them back...
That person becomes an energetic and emotional vampire that does not let you live in peace. You can't sleep, you're constantly depressed (or upset) except when they reappear in your life, and they make sure not to let you forget them. That person has become addicted to the power they have over you and is not willing to let go of it.
And you try to end the relationship several times, but you are not able to close the door definitively. There is always a small hope inside you that "they will change," and you think that you, with love, can achieve that change, but you don't realize that this is not love.
We dare not block that person from our lives, social networks, and phone. We don't want and can't let that person go from our lives. We imagine that we will suffer too much if they leave, but we don't realize that we are actually suffering much more in the present situation.
That person has no maturity whatsoever, doesn't love you or themselves. They live playing to have you and not let you go, but not to commit to you. You, meanwhile, accept that they leave and come back whenever they want, while little by little your heart becomes sadder and sadder. And with your feelings, your self-esteem also diminishes, and you start to lose confidence in your way of living.
Sometimes you don't even go out with your friends because you stay waiting to see if he (or she) wants to see you, and when it doesn't happen, you feel great frustration and feel diminished as if that person were superior to you (but they are not!).
The responsibility for your life is not that person's but YOURS!
Our lack of self-love makes us submissive and blind. This is absurd, and we only realize it months or years later when we wake up from this trance and ask ourselves, "how did I waste so much time on this?"
So, before wanting someone to love and appreciate you, you must first do it yourself. Love yourself! Appreciate yourself! Respect yourself! If not, don't expect anyone else to do it. Learn to say "NO!" and you will see how little by little, like a muscle, your self-esteem and your peace will grow until they fill you with joy and personal satisfaction.
Remember: Nobody loves someone who is "always available."
I have been helping women and men transform their relationships, raise their self-esteem, and overcome breakups and losses of all kinds for years. If you need help, don't hesitate to contact me. I am here to help you achieve your goals and be happy.
®Copyright 2020 Ricardo Chávez